As I’ve said before as a Demisexual I do not experience Primary sexual attraction. Explaining how we, Demisexuals, experience the concept of sexual attraction to those who experience the full spectrum of both primary and secondary attraction can be, I was going to say difficult but it’s not exactly but it can be hard to understand for the people you are explaining it too.
So what exactly is sexual attraction? Sexual Attraction is the phycological feeling people have when they find a person/object sexually appealing. It’s the feeling that often drives people to seek out sexual encounters with other people, either of the opposite, same or both sexes. Briefly Primary sexual attraction is attraction to someone based on first impressions such as looks or smell, and secondary sexual attraction is an attraction to people formed over time and forms out the relationship and emotional connection you have with them.
Sexual arousal (or libido) on the other hand is physiological response, the result of exposure to sexual stimuli. Such stimuli can include, reading, films, and images. Many people such as myself find, nudity, erotica and pornography stimulating. The physical changes include on Men erections and in Women vaginal lubrication, Sexual arousal as well as being affected by the physical response of the body is also affected by hormones such as oestrogen and testosterone. Arousal can be triggered by the feeling of sexual attraction in though it can be triggered without any attraction at all, it can even be an automatic, uncontrollable and an often inconvenient physical response or reaction to a wide variety of non sexual stimuli. A good example of this is a Man waking in the morning with an erection. This is due to the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for as well as sexual arousal, digestion and waste control. A full bladder pushing on the prostate can cause an erection in this case.
You may be wondering why I’m writing about this, when I’ve written something similar before, well it’s more for Me than You reading this. I masturbate…and I often fantasise about Someone…sometimes I don’t and it’s this lack of Someone that has often made me question my identity as a Demisexual. Surely if I’m not thinking about someone I feel attraction to when I masturbate then I’m not Demisexual right?! I was having a problem resolving that issue and it really was bringing me down, not only questioning my sexual orientation but my sexuality and my enjoyment of masturbation. Demisexuality I now understand isn’t about my capacity for sexual enjoyment only through sexual attraction, and I can indentify as Demisexual and masturbate from arousal without attraction and not feel bad about it.