I’ve written describing what Demsexuality is on this blog before. https://theworkingend.home.blog/2020/06/22/demisexuality/ but to give a quick overview a Demisexual is someone who does not, cannot and will not ever develop primary sexual attraction, and can only experience secondary sexual attraction once an emotional bond has developed with someone and whether Demisexuality is a real orientation https://wordpress.com/post/theworkingend.home.blog/717…heads up IT IS! But I’ve not written about how a Demisexuals experience or develop that bond.
As I stated above Demisexuals do not experience Primary sexual attraction, an instant attraction to people based on instantly available info such as appearance or smell. Demisexuals require a deep friendship built over time before attraction can grow and we can experience secondary sexual attraction to quote AVEN wiki secondary attraction is “A sexual attraction that develops over time based on a persons relationship and emotional connection with another person”. Even when we do form a close emotional bond, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we want a romantic relationship with that person or that it will lead to any sort of sexual activity, even though we may want either one or indeed both. A lot of the time, and I speak from experience here, the attraction will more than likely be one way and things will remain strictly platonic.
Even though we would never want a romantic and/or sexual relationship with someone where we didn’t feel that bond or connection, it does not mean that we are prudes or uninterested in sex, in fact a lot of Demisexuals have as high a sex drive as most non Demi people. We just have less partnered sex than those non Demi people…again I speak from experience. So what do we do when our sex drive is in…overdrive…shall we say, in that case like the great majority of people we masturbate.
Now there’s going to be some people ( and I say some as I know there’s not going to be a lot of people wondering about Demisexuals who masturbate or want to know for that matter ) who may be confused that Demisexuals masturbate, sometimes frequently because Demisexuality is on the Asexuality spectrum and as we all know Asexuals are uninterested in sex and Masturbation. The truth is, solo sex is quite possibly more important for a Demisexual than any other sexual identity. The specific way We experience attraction makes it more likely that We will experience ( I dislike this term, but it does the job ) “sexual droughts”. For this reason alone, for Demisexuals, masturbation is a matter of self-care, as well as a safe way to relieve sexual tension.
I think more than for most people, a masturbation session for a Demisexual is all about fantasy. I know what you’re going to say, everbody fantasises to some degree during masturbation, and your right. For Allosexuals these fantasies can be triggered by random people, that Guy you saw queing for coffee, the Girl in the car next to you at the lights, film stars, musicians. For Demisexuals are fantasies of connection, and because we do not experience attraction to strangers, it’s more of a fantasy of connection, of being wanted, usually to/by that person we have developed a bond with, usually to/by a friend. Some Demisexuals, Myself included masturbate to porn, but it’s not about the strangers on the screen, Demisexuals aren’t interested in the actors, We don’t care how toned the Guy is or how slim the Woman is, those things don’t interest Us. It’s the situation that turns us on, to be in that situation with that friend we have developed a connection with.